I just had a lightbulb moment: My self proclaimed failures and inconsistencies are not always by choice or even a matter of the mind. My health has been hindering me the whole time, and I have failed to acknowledge there is something seriously wrong. And instead of fixing said things, I worried that I'd be looked upon and selfish. But by not helping myself I have indeed been selfish toward my husband and my children. They are not getting even half of what I can offer them. Yes my love knows no boundaries but the physical expression of my love has always been hindered, but not by laziness or lack of caring, it's been because my body cannot keep up with me.

I have my husband, my psychologist, my physio and my close friends for opening my silly eyes to this. I have been to my physio of late to discuss my condition and I was very saddened to hear that I can no longer keep doing what I am doing, that I am only going to get worse, that I need to seriously think of either intense physio rehabilitation for many, many months (possibly years) which they said is a slight chance of recovering full mobility, or reconstructive surgery, with a higher chance of recovering mobility. If I continue to ignore it I will start to lose mobility and could within the next 20 years, be reliant on constant walking support and worse case scenario, needing full time care.

This is more serious than I ever thought possible, I never thought pregnancy would strain me so much. The last two years have been struggled attempts to regain core muscles and allow my body to heal. I've had little to no success.

I have always been hesitant to accept surgery because I've felt it was both invasive and a vain thing to do. I also feared being cast out by my family and friends for doing something 'selfish'. I realize that this is only what I think of myself. And while yes, the abdominoplasty will give me some outward physical boosts, what they change on the inside may very well change my life for the better. And if I need to endure the needles and months of pain and rehabilitation afterwards, to reclaim my life and my body, than it will be worth every minute!!

Thank you to all that have helped me see this, I am both excited and scared shitless at the months ahead. While no definite plans have been made, I am now making steps towards the ultimate goal.

xx

I love Christmas! I love spoiling my children! I love surprising my husband!
This year I am no where near as prepared as I’m used to. Because we had the wedding on and all our money and time was invested in that I had no thoughts about Christmas at all. If your like me you’ve usually done all of your big shopping by July and are picking up laybys, buying secret santas and getting little extras on the sales. This year is much different. I have nothing in my hands! I haven’t been sleeping very well as I like to be prepared. Thank goodness for the Internet! And wow at the Aussie $$ at the moment! I have been shopping on eBay, disneystore.com and bookdepository.com
Just have to sit back and wait for the goodies to arrive.

So I made the mistake of posting an opinion on Facebook today. I asked other mothers if they too, have the habit of spending the whole budget on everyone and forget to leave money for the children/husband to buy ME a gift. And then I asked if those people minded at all? I expressed that would’ve liked a gift but enjoy giving to my family that it never really occurs to me to stop buying for them, and save money for myself.
Well there was the usual crowd of women I know putting their hands up, there was a douchebag who put down “I’m the complete opposite! I’m the only one on my list” To which I responded “You’re such a douche”. Then I get another comment. One that instantly made me want to say, “what the frog?”
Comment reads “Christmas is all about the kids. The smiles and joy should be gift enough.”
Why is it that I am angered by this comment? Why does it make me feel like I cannot say anything remotely questionable online? She makes me sound selfish! How on Earth is blowing your budget on friends and family and forgetting to leave some for yourself selfish? All I asked is a raise of hands to know I’m not alone. I was not complaining or petitioning some worldwide mothers-should-get-gifts campaign. No, I expressed an opinion and got shit in return. Thank you my dodgy unsupportive Facebook friends. You are all a bunch of idiots in front of a computer.

There is nothing worse than feeling disappointed. Whether it’s at yourself, at someone else, or even having someone disappointed at you.
Ive been fearing that my love life is lacking in the intimacy department lately so I have been working diligently to try and bring a bit of spark back. We’ve been together for 4 years, 2 children and only married for just over a month. The honeymoon was great! Although I have to admit we did more sleeping than anything else. I had hoped after the wedding our love life would’ve sparked back up. However, I seem to be very wrong. The stress of everyday life just seems to be too much for my husband. I’ve tried a few different things to attract his attention, but nothing that has seemed to work.
Why am I disappointed today? Yesterday I researched the most common sensual foods, and then made a lavish dinner and dessert. Everything a man could want! Eye fillet steak, potato bake (his favorite dish), side salad (avocado, mango, macadamia nuts and baby spinach) finishing with a homemade chocolate pavlova with strawberries and cream. I was so sure of myself that it would’ve made him feel so great that he wouldn’t be able to resist some private time. But when I suggested some snuggle time he just expressed he wasn’t in the mood and felt quite unwell. As I had been drinking a fair bit of wine, I almost burst into tears. All that effort, for nothing? He apologized and asked me if I did everything just for sex. Well, no, not just for sex, more for the opportunity to be intimate and share some private time with my husband. Sure I expected sex to be among those things, but it’s not like it’s ‘just’ what I wanted.
So what do I do now? Am I supposed to keep on trying while I seem to go nowhere? I hate disappointment.
I hate having to tell him I’m disappointed. I hate how upset he gets when I’m disappointed. We have discussed our relationship and realize we’re lacking. But it always resolved to the ‘not enough time’ and ‘too stressed out’. I don’t think I can create more time or make less stress. I’m at a loss.

I’ve been seeing a psychologist now for almost 18 months now. It’s been quite a journey and I have become more self aware of my life patterns, emotions and distress maintenance. One very useful skill I have been using almost every day is mindfulness. The basic concept is to remove yourself from your thoughts, worries and fears and live IN the moment you are in. It’s quite a simple concept yet many people fail to realize they are not doing it. When I first heard about it I thought to myself, well of course I live in the moment, I am here aren’t I? Then realized I had missed what she had said because I was caught up in my thoughts. Ha! Perfect example!
Whatever you are doing today, make sure you are in the moment. Taking life one second at a time. If your head is full of ‘to do lists’ write them down and concentrate on the one task you have before you. Causing yourself unnecessary stress from trying to do 1 thing while thinking about 50 thousand others will wear you down. Our world is so fast, so try and enjoy our fast paced life by living just one moment to another. I know it has helped me notice so much more of my children and see just how amazing they are.
xx

Well it’s only 6 weeks to Christmas and really only 2 weeks until the Holiday Season. Only 2 weeks until I get to put up the tree, deck the halls and make our house festive! Every year I try and get inspiration from places such as Martha Stewart and Myer displays. I always find I fall short of making it as fantastical as they do. Mainly because we work on a very tight budget and most of the decor is homemade, 2nd hand or in fewer quantities. But you know what, Christmas isn’t any less special without the grand decor. This year will be the same, just a bit more grander than the year before.
If you are a thrifty momma like me, you’ll only buy your Christmas decor at boxing day sales (or even later if you don’t need the essentials) I love boxing day sales and usually wait a week after Christmas to get the rock bottom deals. Our first Christmas tree was bought on a 70% off sale and it is one of the top quality designs! I also remember buying a ride on reindeer last year for $5! The children are going to love it this year! The other place I shop for Christmas goodies is eBay and hong kong related stores like www.dealextreme.com during the year. Try never to buy at Christmas season (unless of course if you really need something).
I will have to share the awesome video I watched last year on decorating your tree. I was amazed at the special ways they decorated their tree. Starting with weaving your lights into the tree branches, layering your garland (tinsel), then sorting your ornaments from biggest to smallest and then finally putting the ornaments on largest to smallest.
I watched this video after I had set up my tree. When I was a child, ornaments were first, then the tinsel, then the lights. It was all kind of thrown on in no particular order. I remember my dad not being overly fond of having to put up the tree (but we had one of those puzzle trees where you have to put all the branches in the alphabetized slots). It was a mammoth task just to put it together let alone decorate it.
That’s another point to make also. Homemade or childmade decorations are the best you can get! They are OOAK and sentimental. Mine are no where near as nice as Mrs Stewart but I’m glad.
So with the Christmas season upon us, remember that it is about you and your family, and not about creating a magazine worthy home (although it is good to dream right? )

Chicken Breast with Bacon, Baby Spinach and Camembert

4 chicken breasts
8 slices of bacon
Salt, pepper to taste
Handful baby spinach leaves (washed)
160 gm camembert (extra to serve)
1 tbsp butter

Sauce:
2 cup chicken stock
1/2 cup cream
30 gm butter
2 tbs flour
1 tbsp lemon juice
2 egg yolks
Salt and pepper to taste

Flatten chicken breast lighty with meat mallet. Season with salt and pepper.

Generously add baby spinach leaves to center of flattened chicken breast.

Cut a wedge of camembert and place in centre of. Fold chicken breast over to enclose cheese and baby spinach.

Take a strip of bacon and wrap around chicken breast. Use another slice to wrap around breast so chicken is wrapped in a parcel. Secure with two toothpicks.

Melt some butter in a pan, Seal chicken parcel on all sides then place on baking tray in preheated oven 180C for approximately 30 minutes.

While chicken is in oven, heat butter and flour in pot until combined. Whisk in remaining ingredients until well combined. Sauce will be quite runny, if you prefer a more thicker sauce add more flour.

Spoon over sauce and serve.

It’s always been a mystery to me how mothers survive. Throughout our childhood out mothers watched over us, nursed us when we were sick and kissed life’s boo boos
better. When we leave home, we still rely on mother to make things better, whether it is washing our clothes, making us meals or calling on employers to call in when we’re sick.
Then things change, we meet a man and we start a family. All of a sudden you are the mother and you are making things better. Don’t misunderstand me, I love being a mother and making things better. I love kissing boo boos and holding my children when they’re unwell. My question is, who looks after mummy when she is ill?
Today I have a migraine, have been up since 4am thanks to my out of sorts children who are feeling the heat. I am on the verge of emptying my stomach and am finding it had to focus on simple tasks. I am very lucky, as my husband does not start work until later today.
Who is the caretaker of sick mothers? Well, today my family took care of me. My husband provided breakfast and lunch including a decaf frappé while my children kissed me better and fetched the wheat bag when needed. They’ve also been very good children for me today. Every child makes a bit of mischief and that’s to be expected, but today mischief is at a minimum and I’ve had a chance to snooze on the couch.
Being a mother is so rewarding, and to see my family take care of me is heartwarming. There have been days that I have not been as well cared for, but I know my family are doing the best they can. For now I endevour to be the best caregiver I can be, so that next time I am unwell, they will return my generosity.
xx

Well it’s at that integral part of the week where you realize there is nothing left in your cupboard. No more cheat meals or planned lunches. Milk and bread are low and the only things you have are odds and sods lying around. This is when you have to get quite creative! My thought pattern started with pancakes, but as previously mentioned, milk stock was low and there was barely half a cup of SR flour left. I thought, well why not potato pancakes, that will work. Upon searching for said potatoes, they had gone green. Seeing as we’ve all just gotten over the dreaded runs I didn’t want to risk them. So that brought me to dear old google. What can I make with what little I had?? Carrot pancakes? They looked quite odd but my daughter loves carrots so why not.

Ingredients:

6 medium carrots, peeled
1 medium onion (I had none but used a tsp minced garlic)
3 eggs, slightly beaten
3/4-1 teaspoon salt (I use roast vegetable salt)
pepper (to taste)
1/2 cup flour (I used SR and omitted baking powder)
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
oil

Directions:

1 Grate carrots with onion.
2 Squeeze out excess moisture.
3 Mix flour with baking powder and salt.
4 Add beaten eggs and flour to grated carrot/onion mixture.5Mix well.
6 Heat oil in frypan.
7 Drop carrot mixture from a large spoon into hot oil and flatten
slightly with back of spoon.
8 Brown on medium heat about 2-3 mins on each side until golden brown.
9 Drain on paper towel.
Note: these pancakes freeze well.

http://www.food.com/recipe/carrot-latkes-pancakes-73363

Dan, Danté and Myself gobbled them down, but the one person who I thought would eat them like candy, didn’t even try them. Oh well, better luck next time! All in all a great ‘thrown together’ lunch.